.. Not knowing really who I am what I'm supposed to do.I wish gender didn't matter and it was all fluid and we can wear anythingwe liked.My early 4-5 year old I remember being asked when playing house to trybeing the wife. It was my 1st time I remember I wanted to dress as agurl, yet I didn't do since it seemed embarrassing and not right. Yetfrom there I knew something about me was different.I remember a mini mouse blue and white dress, that I should wear to playthe wife.... It was soo arrousing thinking of wearing the dress, yet Ididn't do.Then during my childhood I remember going thru some old clothes andfinding skirts and a girlish dress, wearing it now and then.i dressed less in my early years as a child, then stopped dressingbetween 12-18 years old thinking I can break away from it. But it wasalways there, the urge to dress in girls clothes, never went away.I remember at 18 in between high school and college I needed to take astressful driving test, to get my license. I was. It made his heart beat faster and his mouth turn dry. He took another sip of his soft drink. She smiled at him and ruffled her hands through her hair, fluffing it out around her face. The more he looked at her, the sexier she became in his eyes."You're really pretty, Mom. You know that?" he said."Why, thank you honey. It's nice to hear you say so. But, if it's a date, you shouldn't call me Mom. You can use my name, just like any date would." Okay, I'll try. Thank you for the lovely date, uh, Julia." It sounded strange coming from his mouth, but somehow it was a release also, a freedom from the constraints of the normal mother-son relationship. He swirled her name around on his tongue as he repeated it, and listened to it reverberate in his mind.She smiled at him, her teeth showing white inside her soft red lips, her head flung back and her long white throat stretched upward. She shook her head once to settle her hair back around her face and took a sip of her drink, looking at her.
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